Because Today Is World Toilet Day: The Best Mobile Games To Play On The Loo
If you’re anything like me, your daily schedule looks something like this:
Before 9am: Wake up later than you’d have liked, rush to get ready for work, rush to work.
Between 10am - 9pm: Get consumed by work
After 10pm: Leave work late, get home, sort out all the social activities you missed in the day, bathe, put in place contingencies to wake up earlier the next day, sleep later than you’d have liked, rinse and repeat.
With a schedule like this, are we forced to shelve our thoughts of returning to Azeroth, cooking meat in the Ancestral Steppes and pushing the payload in Route 66? Is there no way gamers like ourselves can get our fix?
Fortunately, the toilet is the one place where one cannot be disturbed - it is our sanctuary, and as long as there’s a good wireless connection—and to commemorate World Toilet Day (November 19)—here’s how you can get your gaming fix:
If you’re taking a 10-minute poop
If you’re a fan of puzzle games like Sudoku, you’re in for a treat!
This Japanese invention presents you with a grid, ranging from 5 x 5 to 20 x 20, and invites you to decipher which squares in the grid are filled. Unlike Sudoku, the player doesn’t need to input any numbers - instead, the grid is lined with numbers at the start of each column/row indicating how many filled squares there are in that column/row. The player just has to indicate which square is filled and which isn’t. Completing the puzzle results in a nice picture, very much like how we used to shade pictures in our grid jotter books as kids.
What’s great about this game:
- It’s manageable. Unlike Sudoku, even the 20 x 20 stages don’t require extensive guess-work.
- It’s systematic. There are strategies you can use to figure out what goes where, and there’s usually a sure-fire way to solve most puzzles!
- It’s satisfying. Once you discover the method behind the madness, you won’t be able to stop!
- Each game typically doesn’t take more than 15 minutes, but you can always save and return to complete the puzzle later on!
If your poops typically take 5-minutes (you’re weird, but ok)
Another hit game by Supercell (the makers of Clash of Clans and Clash Royale), this game will keep you on the edge of your seats. But hopefully not too far forward - we want to keep the toilet as clean as possible.
Brawl Stars is straightforward - select a hero, select a game mode (out of 5), and win to increase your trophy count (to improve your rank), and tokens (to unlock loot boxes). Game modes rotate, but the staple includes Gem Grab (fight in a team of 3 to grab and hold 10 gems).
What’s great about this game:
- Game modes reset daily, and the first win of the day gives you a star token, which is used to unlock a special loot box (Big Box)
- Each match should last no longer than 5 minutes
- You are free to stop whenever you finish pooping, or when it gets too warm in the toilet.
3. Cooking Madness (iOS/Android)
There are many clones of this game, so feel free to pick one and play on.
Cooking Madness involves progressing through increasingly difficult stages. In each stage, you manage various cooking ingredients (resources) to concoct and serve the dishes that are being ordered by customers within a limited time.
Each level may have a different objective (earn X amount of money, serve Y number of dishes, etc), and it sounds simple enough, but is sufficiently challenging. You’ll need the money earned to upgrade your kitchen, since that improves your efficiency.
What’s great about this game:
- Good replayability - after a certain number of levels, you progress to the next region, which involves a different restaurant. This increases the replayability of the game, since you’re not managing the same dishes all the time.
- Each stage is really short, 2 minutes at most.
- Dishing out food to customers may increase your appetite. This may be helpful since pooping’s typically not the most appetizing activity out there.
Another game that’s got many clones and variants, but this is the OG from Supercell.
As with most management games, this farming management game has no end and no objective per se, except to fulfill orders, climb the leaderboards and decorate your farm. You start with some crops, which double in count when harvested (you use 1 crop when planting, but harvest 2), and you can feed these crops to your animals to harvest their products.
Ultimately you’ll need to synthesize mixtures of these products to create valuable items. Each action takes some time, so wheat may take 2 minutes to grow, whereas a shepherd’s pie may take 1h 40min to cook. There are also neighbourhoods (guilds) you can join to trade, help each other, and participate in events together.
What’s great about this game:
- There are no levels, so you can start and stop whenever you want!
- These games have evolved with time, and now offer more than one way to fulfill orders. Hay Day, in particular, has got Derbies, which are neighbourhood-wide events (pick a task, attempt to complete it to earn points for your neighbourhood), among others.
- The animals are cute, I guess.
If you’ve got diarrhoea and need something to entertain you for 30 minutes or more
5. Kingdom Rush (iOS / Android)
If you’ve really got time to spare, maybe a tower defence game is in order!
Kingdom Rush is one of those tower defence games that really leaves an impact. Its art style is really fantastic, and checks all the right boxes in a tower defence game: hero units, towers with different upgrade trees, permanent upgrades to your units and towers, you name it.
What’s great about this game:
- You can complete the level at a normal difficulty if you’re a pleb, but this game makes you really want to get 3 stars on all the levels on the hardest difficulty.
- The variety of heroes available is excellent. The first three are free, and the rest of the nine are premium, but the free ones are good enough.
- This is a really good way for you to forget that you need to see a doctor. But in all seriousness, you really shouldn’t be spending more than 30 minutes on the toilet.
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