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5 Things To Consider When You’re Heading Towards Divorce

Yes, divorce means a breakdown of a marriage and the kids typically living with one parent and visiting the other parent from time to time. But there are many things to consider when you’re heading towards divorce, some of which most people never tell you and it’s too late to change things when you experience them yourself.

In the wake of increasing marital strain amidst coronavirus measures, as well as the news of Night Owl Cinematics' Ryan and Sylvia's divorce, we discuss some matters to consider if you and your spouse are also heading toward a separation. 

1. Your finances may be seriously affected

As a divorce usually results in running two separate households, the same resources must now support almost twice the expenses. Factor in also the possibility of children having to spend extra time at childcare after the separation, as the homemaker parent may now have to find a job. Be prepared for your retirement savings or university savings to be affected by the financial toll that a divorce can take. Alimony, health insurance, child maintenance, holiday and daily allowances all need to be worked out to the last detail, especially if one of the parents was a homemaker and not earning.

2. Children are affected too

Naturally, the more amicable the divorce, the better off everyone in the family is. Some parents often stay in a loveless marriage for the sake of the children until the kids leave home for university and are largely independent. However, if this scenario entails seeing the parents fight daily and bitterly, it is better for everyone if the parents separate sooner rather than later. Bitter divorces often lead to children doing poorly at school, feeling insecure and usually making bad choices in their own relationships too. However, with parents who can still communicate effectively with each other and co-parent the children together have happy, well balanced children who understand that a happy family structure can still co-exist even after a divorce.

PHOTO: UNSPLASH/TRYM NILSEN

3. Divorce stress usually shows up as illness

Several studies have shown that divorced couples and their children are more likely to fall sick more often and have a weaker immune system, at least in the short term after the divorce. Naturally, the worse the divorce, the more the number of time someone falls sick. In adults, divorce can also kick start metabolic syndrome (a combination of increased blood pressure, high blood sugar, and visceral fat), insomnia and depression. In a vicious cycle, insomnia and depression can keep the blood pressure high, leading to other complications such as heart disease and anxiety.

4. Social stigma

Despite the stark increase in the number of divorce cases, there is still a social stigma associated with it. Be prepared for people to avoid you or gossip about you being the problem in the marriage despite it already being a difficult time for you and your family.

5. Be prepared for an emotional breakdown

Perhaps you’re emotionally strong and practical and are able to go through the unpleasant motions of divorce on auto-pilot. Kudos. However, expecting to go untouched without an emotional fallout is probably not possible. At some point, all those buried emotions (anger, hurt, resentment, fear) are going to rear their ugly head. Look at it positively – it’s good to let the negative emotions get out once and for all, rather than keep them bottled in forever.

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