Unsolicited Advice For My Introverted Friend Who Wants To Date

Dear introverted friend (who shall remain unnamed),

I know you came out of a bad relationship years before. I’m happy to learn that you want to get back into the murky, occasionally cringe-worthy world of dating. First off, yay you! Let’s talk strategy.

As your best friend, unofficial cheerleader, and the one who’ll listen to your post-date rants, I am offering you some unsolicited but totally well-meaning advice.

Expand your social circle (without the dreaded small talk)

Dating isn’t just about swiping right – it’s about meeting new people, and the best way to do that?

Find your squad. Love books? Join a book club. You’ll already have something to talk about. Into running? Sign up for a running club and bond over personal bests.

A low-key wine aficionado? Wine-tasting sessions are perfect for sipping, swirling, and engaging in conversation.

The point is to meet people in spaces that align with your interests. Less pressure, more fun, and who knows? You might find someone who shares your love for obscure French films or bubble tea.

Don’t overload your dating calendar

I understand that your social battery has its limits – respect that. When planning your dates, space them out so you don’t feel the last-minute urge to bail (and potentially miss out on the love of your life? *gasp*).

Schedule one date per week at most (or every two weeks if you’re feeling overwhelmed). This gives you time to recharge and reflect instead of spiralling into “I’m so tired of doing this, let’s call it quits” territory. Dating is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself.

Even your more extroverted bestie has experienced burnout from going on too many dates in a weekend, so why put yourself through that?

Keep it chill on dating apps

Swiping endlessly on dating apps can feel like a part-time job, especially when you haven’t hit Mr or Miss Right. The endless matches, constant notifications, and the pressure to reply can drain you faster than an unexpected phone call from an unsaved number.

Here’s what I did to manage: limit yourself to chatting with two or three people at a time. This way, you can focus on meaningful conversations instead of turning into a zombie swiping machine.

Also, take breaks when needed! Don’t delete the app – re-downloading it feels like a mountain to climb. Instead, switch off notifications or hide your profile for a bit, then get back out there when you’re ready!

IMAGE: CANVA

Pick activity-based dates

Skip the sit-down coffee chats that come with awkward silences. Don’t choose the movies either – you won’t be able to get to know each other. How about suggesting an activity date instead?

A little competition from bowling or mini golf adds some fun. Or propose a casual, no-pressure nature walk or museum visit. Maybe get out of your comfort zone and enrol together in a cooking class – perfect for bonding over burnt cupcakes.

Having something to do helps ease the pressure of constant conversation and lets you focus on enjoying the moment. Plus, it’s way more memorable than what must feel like yet another interrogation about your life over a hot beverage or two.

Or choose a venue that feels like home

Before you misunderstand – I’m not telling you to bring him/her home on your first date. All I’m saying is that you can choose a date spot that feels like your happy place.

Maybe it’s your favourite kopi place, or that neighbourhood park where you can people-watch. When you’re comfortable in your surroundings, you’re more likely to relax and let your personality shine. After all, body language is an important facet of face-to-face interactions, and you don’t want to come across as unengaged or tense.

Let your friends play cupid

Your true secret weapon is only a text away. Let your friends help set you up on dates!

We know you and we only want the best for you. We probably already have someone in mind who we think will vibe with your low-key humour and love for quiet nights in. And if the date goes south, you can always tease us for our bad matchmaking skills later.

Remember, take it slow, stay true to yourself, and know that the right person will appreciate you for exactly who you are.

With love,

Your BFF

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