Baby Talk: I Was An Anxious New Mum - Here's What I Wish I'd Known

Social media can be really terrifying for a first-time mum, as it has exacerbated the competitive nature of motherhood and the pressure to do things the “right” way. Not only are you dealing with being a mother for the first time, but you’re also dealing with your own body and hormonal changes while a helpless little baby is COMPLETELY dependent on you for its survival. Yup, no pressure there.

Looking back on my motherhood journey and knowing what I know now, this is what I would have told my younger self as a new mum:

Don’t sweat the small stuff

This, in my opinion, is the perfect way to describe your journey as a new mother. First-time mums get so busy with trying to do everything perfectly and by the book, we stress over every little thing - and very often, miss the forest for the trees. Let a crying baby cry himself to sleep; don’t cradle the baby too often in case he gets used to it; how long is the right nap time; will my child be a slow and picky eater if he’s on pureed foods rather than BLW (baby-led weaning first foods)? The list of doubts and questions is never ending and you’re not going to win it all. It’s ok. Trust your instincts and do what feels right. Be present and in the moment. Your baby is going to grow up faster than you think, so don’t worry about trying to make every small thing perfect. It’s impossible to do.

Things don’t usually go as planned

Know and accept that things will rarely go according to plan. Remember when you might have tried having a natural birth but ended up with an epidural? Things happen when you least expect them to. My advice is to make ‘loose’ plans, a basic framework of what you would like to achieve during the day, but be prepared for the day running in a totally different direction. And that’s ok! Keep your expectations low and you will be less likely to end up disappointed.

IMAGE: UNSPLASH

Take care of yourself

I cannot emphasise how important this point is - and yet, completely counterintuitive as a new mother. Putting your needs above the needs of your newborn baby (insert huge gasp here!)?  But it’s true!

You cannot be a great mum if you don’t take care of yourself first. How are you going to look after a baby if you’re running around sleep-deprived and cranky? Staying hydrated, eating healthy, getting sleep, exercising to have the energy to take care of your baby, these are just the basics that you should be doing for yourself.

As a new mum I felt guilty doing anything just for me too. I’ve always loved reading, but suddenly it felt very irresponsible curling up with a good book or stepping out for a coffee while the twins napped, especially where there were a million other things that needed to be taken care of. Take those breaks, and make time for yourself, for both physical and mental health.

This too shall pass

I remember thinking every so often that things will get easier once we get past ‘this stage’. As much as I loved it, the newborn baby stage was challenging, and I thought, ‘it’s going to get easier once they start doing this and that’.

Ironically, while some things did get easier, each stage brought its own set of challenges and frustrations. For example, while I loved having the twins crawl around the house, it meant needing to have an extra pair of eyes in the back of my head so that I could see where they were going (usually in opposite directions, mind you!) Suddenly, them being limited to a baby cot all day didn’t seem like such a bad idea.

You’re not going to enjoy every moment of every day, but if you can, try to appreciate them - because they too shall pass.

Relax. Every child develops at a different pace

Please don’t compare your child to other children, and worry about every percentile or why your child seems to be lagging behind developmentally. Every child is different. They start talking and walking at different times, and it’s ok to be a late bloomer. Your child will eventually grow into the person that he is meant to be. Enjoy the journey and don’t rush it. You’re a great mum and nothing that you’re doing is holding your child back.

Children are more resilient than we think

As a new mum, I would wince every time my babies hurt themselves, even if it was just knocking their head against the baby cot. But it really is ok. Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for, even at the youngest of ages.

When your baby is crying for no seemingly apparent reason, your instinct is likely to be superwoman and swoop in and fix the problem immediately. But if your baby is safe and not in any danger, it's ok to let your baby cry for a few minutes. This test of patience will help them build resilience and make them stronger in the long run.

Honestly, that’s a real baby thing - sometimes babies just cry for no reason. I only realised it for myself much later that one of my twins was ‘fake’ crying just for attention when he thought his brother was hogging all the attention! And I also eventually learnt that it was (usually) a good thing to get a scrape or a bruise because that meant that my child learnt something new through play, instead of sitting safely at home.

IMAGE: PEXELS

Don’t go overboard with toys, clothes and supplies

Please hear me out! I know you’ve probably gone all out in creating the nicest nursery, having the best toys and the cutest outfits… but you really don’t have to. As I eventually learnt, babies usually have more interest in the packaging rather than the toy itself, and they grow so fast, they only use or wear something for a very short period of time. I still have baby shoes that are in near mint condition because they were only ever worn twice.

Instead of trying to find space to store everything, and spending a lot of hard-earned $$$$, allow yourself to stick to the essentials only and a few cute wants, rather than go overboard when they won’t remember any of it at this stage.

Set boundaries - with people and their advice

Family and friends always seem to drop by at the wrong time. But it’s okay to say no and ask them to come another time that is more convenient to you and baby. Ditto for the truckloads of advice everyone would be giving you. Politely thank them for their love and suggestions, and then do what feels right and best fits your situation. Whether you choose to keep the baby on breast milk for a while longer, or do a mix of both breast milk and formula to wean her off, it’s your choice, not a community decision.

Make yourself some promises

I’ve saved this one for last. Like a pledge of sorts, promise yourself these small, but very important things:

• I’m going to be less critical of my flaws and more proud of my strengths
• I don’t need to kill myself trying to show my kids perfection. My children will be better off seeing the happy mess that I am, trying to do her best
• Mistakes are part of the journey and I’m going to make mistakes as I learn what it takes to be a mum
• Do something for myself when the baby sleeps. Even if it means just getting some sleep myself. It doesn’t mean cleaning the house.
• Trust my gut
• No more comparing myself to others

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