Last Time Parents Nag About These Things, Now Your Turn
Well, almost. Because times have truly changed – since the start of this sad and strange mask-wearing, temperature-checking, flour-and-toilet-paper hoarding year.
Last time, policemen wear shorts; now your kids call the shots. So this is a 2020 reboot of what you nag your children about.
LAST TIME: You don’t wash so long and waste water yeah! And stop playing with the soap and making bubbles!
NOW: You wash long long, waste water is fine as long as you clean your hands and arms thoroughly, and use soap!
LAST TIME: Must always eat more vegetables or else you get pimples, constipation and piles.
NOW: Make sure you eat only organic vegetables grown hydroponically in Singapore or else you get E.coli, lau sai and piles.
LAST TIME: Don’t always take out your handphone hor.
NOW: Did you bring your handphone out not? You don’t forget to do safe entry at the bubble tea shop or at the library, okay?
Using the Internet
LAST TIME: Stop going online! You whole day use <choose one of the following based on how old you are> ICQ/MSN/Facebook/Instagram/Snapchat/TikTok.
NOW: Can teach mummy how to use Zoom for my meeting with big boss later, please?
Wearing too little
LAST TIME: Don’t tell me you are going out in that.
NOW: Don’t tell me you are doing your Tik Tok dance in that.
Knowing their friends
LAST TIME: Why you never invite your friends over for me to see who you are mixing with?
NOW: Why that day I can still see your Instagram posts but today, it’s a blank page? Did you block me?
Getting help in the kitchen
LAST TIME: Why nobody ever offers to help me in the kitchen!
NOW: Can you let me use the kitchen and stop making your Dalgona coffee and banana bread for your Instagram Stories – we cannot eat those for dinner!
Finishing food on the plate
LAST TIME: You know how many hungry, starving kids there are in <insert continent or country of your elitist choice>?
NOW: You know how much this cost me, with those ridiculous food delivery fees! Even after using promo code!
Showing grumpy face
LAST TIME: Young man, you don’t scowl at me.
NOW: Young man, are you scowling at me from behind your mask?