How Moving Out Of My Family Home Saved My Mental Health

Today is World Mental Health Day (10 Oct), an opportunity to shine a light on mental health and the importance of self-care. It’s a great reminder to check in with ourselves and make conscious decisions to nurture our well-being.

As we reflect on the need for mental health awareness, I want to share my personal journey and why, at 31, I made the profound decision to move out of my family home and into a space of my own.

It wasn’t just a physical move, but a pivotal step towards prioritising my mental health and reclaiming my independence.

The struggles of home life

Growing up, my family lived in a cramped two-room HDB flat, shared between my two brothers, my father, and me. The living conditions were far from ideal – constant clashes of personalities and an ongoing battle for privacy. Despite all this, I learned to adapt and make the best of it.

But after 16 years – more than half my life – the weight of it became unbearable. The lack of personal space and the endless family tensions took a toll on my mental health, creating an atmosphere thick with stress and conflict.

I noticed how little things would escalate into full-blown kerfuffles. Whether it was dealing with my father’s idiosyncrasies or my siblings’ complete disregard for house chores, I came to realise I was being taken for granted. I was useful only for paying the bills and cleaning up after everyone.

The breaking point came when the ceiling-mounted laundry rack in the kitchen collapsed under the weight of my younger brother’s clothes. Instead of resolving it, he walked away, claiming he was late for work. My dad, in typical fashion, woke me up to deal with it. That was it. As long as I stayed under that roof, I was stuck in this endless cycle of being the house servant.

Change is essential for growth

At 31, I knew it was time to make a change. The thought of renting my own apartment was both exhilarating and terrifying. Finally, I’d have a space where I could breathe, think, and just be myself – something I had dreamed about for years. But like any major decision, there were fears I had to confront.

Leaving the comfort of familiar surroundings was a big worry. Despite the tensions, that tiny flat had been my home all my life. The idea of stepping into the unknown – navigating a new neighbourhood, managing all the responsibilities of living alone – was daunting. Would I cope with the solitude? Would I miss the constant presence of my family, despite everything?

On top of that, there was the challenge of dealing with my father’s disappointment. When I told him I was planning to move out, his reaction was anger and hurt. He accused me of “running away” and not “taking responsibility” for supporting the family. This response was a stark reminder of the familial obligations I felt weighed down by, and added to my already growing anxiety. I questioned whether I was being selfish or if this was a necessary step for my own growth.

IMAGE: UNSPLASH

The anxiety of moving

Packing up my belongings and preparing for the move was another source of anxiety. The logistics of moving alone, with little to no support from my loved ones, felt overwhelming. Every box packed was a reminder of the finality of the decision, and each step in the moving process brought with it a mix of excitement and trepidation. I was anxious about managing everything by myself, from navigating the logistics to the emotional toll of leaving behind a space filled with years of memories.

Yet despite these fears, there was an undeniable sense of excitement at the thought of having my own place. I envisioned a sanctuary where I could decorate as I pleased, have uninterrupted moments of peace, and create an environment that fostered mental well-being. It was invigorating.

A game-changer for my mental health

As I settled into my new apartment, the initial fears began to fade, replaced by a sense of freedom and self-discovery. Living alone has been a transformative experience, teaching me invaluable lessons about independence and resilience. I’ve learned to navigate challenges on my own terms, developing skills and confidence I never knew I had.

Each day in my own space reinforces the importance of self-care and mental health. Though the transition hasn’t been without its hurdles, it’s been incredibly rewarding. I’ve grown to appreciate the peace that comes with personal space. Solitude, once daunting, has become an opportunity for reflection, creativity, and personal growth.

As we observe World Mental Health Day 2024, I hope my story serves as a reminder that prioritising mental health often requires tough decisions. For me, moving out of my family home was a crucial step toward reclaiming my mental well-being and embracing independence. It was a journey filled with fear and excitement, but ultimately, it’s been a testament to the power of self-care and the importance of creating a space where you can thrive.

Choosing to live on my own has been a big step toward growing up and discovering what it means to live independently. This experience has shown me that taking care of yourself isn’t selfish – it’s essential for a healthy, fulfilling life. Sometimes, healing and happiness come from embracing change, facing fears, and taking bold steps towards the life you deserve.

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