8 Signs It's Time To Leave Your Toxic Relationship in 2021
The line between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship can look quite blurry when you’re the one straddling it, even when the signs seem pretty obvious to others.
Look out for these red flags that are definite signs of a toxic relationship:
1. Your partner always finds fault with you
A partner who’s always criticising you (especially without looking at their own behaviour and flaws), who doesn’t support your interests or hobbies, and who is always complaining about your existence is definitely toxic. If you’re being constantly put down, you’re going to start losing your self-esteem. You may start feeling bad about yourself and may begin to doubt your own judgment, constantly thinking, what can I do to make things better? It is very important to have a strong support system in place so that you can balance out the criticisms with advice and positive words from people you love and trust. You don’t want to blindly invest all your beliefs in your partner’s opinion, so it’s vital to keep other people’s opinion around you and use that to balance what you’re being told.
2. You’re always blamed for a problem your partner caused
Hello scapegoating! A definite toxic trait is when your partner blames you for their actions and the subsequent problems that may have created, leaving you feeling guilty and ashamed when it wasn’t even your fault in the first place. The most common example of scapegoating is someone blaming their partner for ‘causing them to cheat and have an affair’ without taking any responsibility for their actions or acknowledging that they are in the wrong.
3. Your partner is always playing the victim
Hello stonewalling! A healthy relationship is about creating a healthy balance for both, listening to each other’s feelings and taking responsibility for your actions. Having a fight doesn’t mean your relationship is toxic, but watch out if your partner is always shutting down when you try to bring up what’s bothering you. Stonewalling happens when your partner stops listening to you on certain topics, acts unresponsive, or even just walks away when you want to discuss something important. Healthy couples should be invested in each other’s happiness, but if every time you tell your significant other how you feel about something, they find a way to make it about them or somehow become the victim despite you bringing awareness to your feelings, then it’s time to get out of that relationship. Fast.
4. You’re getting sick more often
Getting headaches and anxiety more often? It might not be just your imagination. Toxic relationships cause tension and stress, making our bodies work overtime, ultimately causing health issues and a weakened immune system.
5. Your partner is too controlling
Controlling behaviours can include everything from telling you what's right, secluding you from loved ones or always being present when you are with others, and demanding access to your personal devices and email, to threatening to break up with you constantly, demanding to know everything you do, who you're with, and wanting to manage your finances. Your partner DOES NOT have the right to control your actions or beliefs and will never try to do that in a healthy relationship.
6. You don’t have the energy for self care
Think about the last time you did something for yourself. Self-care and self-prioritisation are usually neglected in a toxic relationship, so If your relationship consistently revolves around what makes your partner happy and ignores your needs, it can be a sign of toxicity. If you’re neglecting Me Time for any reason (other than laziness on your part), then chances are that you’re spending all your time and mental energy handling the strife in your relationship.
7. You make excuses for their terrible behavior
Do you often find yourself defending your partner to others? Are you constantly asking yourself why your loved ones don’t like your partner? If you’ve ever told a story about your significant other and purposefully left out a key detail to make them look better than they are; or if you’re hiding things from loved ones because you’re too ashamed to tell anyone about them… these are all signs of a toxic relationship! Sometimes seeing things from the eyes of a loved one can help you clearly see your partner's negative characteristics that you may have not wanted to admit to yourself.
8. You keep waiting or hoping for them to change
All relationships take two to tango, including toxic ones. A lot of the bad behaviors that make relationships toxic are deal breakers for a healthy, functional relationship. But when you're in a toxic relationship, your judgement is often clouded and you stick around a little longer hoping that your partner will eventually change and everything will be ok.