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Can’t Be A Sovereign? $70, You Can Be A Lord Or A Lady

Thanks to the Sovereign Lady, we all know this by now: If you’re a sovereign, you don’t get special treatment. (Actually, you also don’t get a lot of other things, like medical care and government benefits, but that’s another story lah.)

But if you die-die need to feel special without getting remanded in IMH, then how? While we can’t help you with the “sovereign” bit, one new online store is letting you bestow upon yourself a Lady or Lordship for the somewhat reasonable price of $70. In sovereign-speak, that’s around 20 Shunfu Mart meals.

What’s more,  you don’t only get to transform yourself into nobility with these packs from Established Titles that come with a digital certificate bearing your new title. You even get a ‘personal dedication’ of a small plot of land in the secluded woodlands of Scotland’s fair west, next to a babbling brook.

Ok lah, it’s only 1 square foot. In public access land. Which - for cheapskates who are thinking they can save some money on that Mandai Columbarium niche - isn’t enough to bury yourself in. But the thing is, Scottish custom historically refers to landowners as Lords (or ‘Lairds’) and Ladies. So that tiny plot of land is what basically entitles you to join Scottish nobility.

Once you’re a certified Lord/Lady, you can try changing your name to include your fancy new title (deed polls in Singapore cost about $100). Just note that according to local legal websites, names containing honorary titles may be rejected.

That won’t stop you from having a lot of fun with your new title, though. One testimony on the Established Titles website reads: “Recently purchased title packs for myself and my wife and we chose to go by our Lord and Lady titles on our plane tickets, thinking nothing would come of it. Lo and behold - never have we received better treatment! 

“The counter staff were extremely respectful, made sure to address us by ‘Lord’ and ‘Lady’ and were more helpful than I’ve ever known them to be. Would highly recommend the experience."

Just be warned: Even if the airline staff care about how atas you are, COVID-19 doesn’t. So go out still must wear mask. And remember to stay a safe distance from the rest of us commoners, hor.

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