An Open Letter From A DINK Couple (No, We Don’t Hate Kids)

Dear Members of Society,

My husband and I are a DINK couple, meaning “Double Income, No Kids”. That means we’ve chosen not to have children, and we’re both employed. This is a decision that we’ve discussed at length even before we tied the knot. And no, that doesn’t mean we’ve got a vendetta against children.

Being child-free isn’t just a phase or some trendy fad we adopted from TikTok that we’ll eventually grow out of (even though people love to tell us so). We’ve mulled over this decision long enough that we’ve even come up with a pros and cons list. And yes, we have thought about the possibility that we may meet the end of our life by ourselves and after weighing everything, we’ve come to peace with that. Don’t be sad for us.

We got married because we love each other to bits, not because we’re checking off a box on "Life’s To-Do List”. We’ve seen friends who immediately celebrate a birth of a little one soon after their honeymoon or wait a couple of years before welcoming a beautiful baby to the family – but that doesn’t mean that marriage is a precursor to parenthood. To us, it’s a sacred commitment made between two people who want to build a life together, with or without kiddos running around.

What’s our reason for not jumping on the baby bandwagon?

We believe we need a strong reason to bring a child into this world. Having a baby is a huge lifelong financial commitment and significant lifestyle change, even with all the strong monetary support from the government.

We’re also very focused on our careers right now. That doesn’t mean you can’t have kids and be successful at your job at the same time. We believe that having a child means you should make every life decision with their best interests in mind, and unfortunately, we’re not confident we can do that. I have my eyes set on climbing the corporate ladder faster than most, which means I may need to sacrifice other things in my life and devote a lot of my time and energy towards work.

Let’s not forget the unprecedented geopolitical landscape we’re in right now, the threat of a looming climate crisis, and really, not knowing how the world will be for our children in 20 or 30 years makes us not want to bring a new life blindly into the world.

IMAGE: UNSPLASH

Another reason we feel we aren’t suited for parenthood – our personalities. They’re not exactly prime parent material. We’re more the spontaneous-adventures-and-late-night-TV couple, not the early-riser-and-packed-lunches type. And you know what? That’s okay. I enjoy the random date nights and the freedom to go on multiple trips each year. We know ourselves, and we know what we enjoy the most. There is no reason we should subject a child who deserves the absolute best our second-rate efforts and attention.

Major respect to our friends and family who have taken that leap, we’re happy for them and we will support their choices all the way. We’ve seen folks dive into parenthood for all sorts of reasons. We’re all about people embracing parenting if they truly want it, but let’s leave behind the outdated notion that having kids is what it takes to have a complete family.

With that in mind, can we please normalise asking people who have children, why they want kids? It’s a fair question, right? Just like it’s fair to ask us why we don’t. Let’s open the conversation and understand each other’s perspectives a little better.

Seriously, parents are amazing superheroes in our book. Parenting is truly some next-level stuff. Just ask anyone with kids, how their lives have changed with a baby. We’re in awe of the love, patience, and sacrifice you pour into raising tiny humans. So, let’s spread a little love and understanding.

And last but not least, let’s quash the notion that our lives are somehow lacking because we chose not to have mini-us. Our lives are rich and full, brimming with love, laughter, and a whole lot of adventure. We’ve got each other, our family and friends, and our hobbies - and we’re perfectly contented.

So, to all the DINKs, parents, fur-parents, plant-parents, and everyone in between: you do you. Embrace your choices, live your truth, and let’s support each other along the way. Because at the end of the day, love is what truly makes a family, whether it’s a party of two or a football team.

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