Surviving A 10-Day Trip With My Mum: A Lesson In Love And Patience

Travelling with your mum sounds like a wholesome, mother-daughter bonding experience. But with my mum - it's like working on vacation.

Hold on, before you say I'm exaggerating, hear me out.

For context, my mum and I live in separate countries, leading very different lives - well because we're just very different characters. That's why the distance definitely helps.

But when I have to spend time with her 24/7 for 10 days in a foreign country, and to complicate things further, my first time going on a group tour - you just know that the writing is on the wall.

Because I'm your typical classic Type A planner. I'm the kind who has a colour coded Google Sheets prepared weeks (when I'm extra excited, months) in advance, saved 37 food spots with detailed itineraries every day. I know which café we're hitting at 2:15pm on Thursday.

Instead, I spent 10 days in Yunnan managing emotions I didn't anticipate, and discovering that travelling with your mum is less "Eat Pray Love" and more "Endure, Negotiate, Repeat"


IMAGE: ADOBE STOCK

Day 1: From daughter to full-time handler

From the moment we had to gather with the rest of the tour group at the airport, I knew I was in for it.

My mum immediately went into rapid-fire Q&A mode:

"Do we have to stick with the group?"

"Later the flight got dinner or not? What kind of food?"

"Why our flight so late ah?"

And just like that, despite being on a guided tour with literal professionals handling the trip, I became:

• Her personal coordinator
• Translator (even when the guide spoke Mandarin she could understand)
• Customer service helpdesk
• Emotional support system

Typically when we go for trips where I did all the planning, my mum is on passenger princess mode and leaves everything to me, no questions asked. Going on an organized group tour has somehow made my life more difficult?!

The mental load nobody talks about

I think the most exhausting part wasn't the packed itinerary or the early mornings. It was having to play the part of a problem solver constantly.

After my dad passed away, my mum naturally became more reliant on me. And during this trip, that really showed. Every small issue became my problem to solve.

The hairdryer seems to be failing? "Go call the reception and ask them to change another one for us".

Don't understand what the tour guide is saying (even though she has good Mandarin proficiency)? "Eh what did she say?"

Even during meals: "I need more serviettes, can you call the wait staff?"

Meanwhile, I'm trying to also listen to the guide, take photos, maybe enjoy the beautiful view? It felt like I pivoted from my full-time paid job into another full-time unpaid job.


IMAGE: ADOBE STOCK

The second-hand embarrassment is real

If there was one constant throughout the trip, it was my mum's commentary. About the weather. The food. The walking distance. The price of souvenirs. The timing. The people.

But the worst were the moments when my mum would start talking to other people in the group. Repeated complaints, making blunt comments, or just being a bit too unfiltered.

You know that feeling when you're super hyper-aware of how your family member is coming across? Yeah.

I'd try to gently steer the conversation away or just smile awkwardly and hope the moment passes.

Yet another reason why I'd opt for a self-planned trip next time.

Managing her emotions… and mine

One of the hardest parts of the trip was learning how to manage both our emotions at the same time. Because when she was unhappy with me (for whatever reason), she wasn't afraid to make it known. If I don't keep her temper in check, there goes two hours of our trip.

It's not like I could just storm off and leave her alone to deal with my emotions, like when we're at home. I was her literal human compass, real-life Google search function and I had to pacify her while keeping my own emotions in check.

But also… there were good moments

Despite everything, there were still moments that made me pause. Yunnan is beautiful. Like, really beautiful. Snow-capped mountains, ancient towns that look like they came from a China period drama.

And sometimes, I'd catch my mum just quietly taking it all in. No complaints. No questions.

Or she'd turn to someone in the group and say proudly, "My daughter brought me here."

And in those moments, it felt like all my efforts were worth it.

IMAGE: ADOBE STOCK

The reality check

Somewhere near the end of the trip, after another particularly tiring day of walking about… I found myself pondering why I thought this holiday was a good idea.

Then I looked at her. And it hit me - she's in her late 60s. How many more of these trips can she go on?

Yes, it's tiring for me to deal with her - but it's also not like I might get to do this many more times. I started appreciating the privilege that I was able to spend time with my mum in a beautiful place, and that she is healthy enough to enjoy it.

It could always be worse.

Would I do it again?

If someone asked me right now? I'd say… maybe. But shorter. Much shorter. And probably not a group tour again.

I wouldn't say I have regrets about going on this trip. This was fulfilling one of my mum's wishlist after all. At the same time, I also learnt that you can choose to be more emotionally mature than your parent, so that your parent can be a kid once in a while. Isn't that how life works?

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