How Running Became The Free Couples Therapy We Never Knew We Needed

I don’t remember exactly when it started, but I recall it was within the first few weeks of us dating.

At the time, I would usually run along the CBD area towards MBS and back. On a whim, I asked my future husband if he wanted to tag along. He said “yes” (now I know it was just so he could spend more time with me, because he never really ran before), and fast forward more than eight years later, we’re still putting on our running shoes every week.

If you had told me years ago that exercising would become the glue holding my marriage together, it would have been hard to believe - especially since I didn’t have good experiences working out with exes. I guess it just didn’t… work out?

But running quietly became one of the best things we’ve ever done for our relationship.

Before the pandemic: Side by side, but not always together

When we both moved to Punggol (separately, of course — we were still dating and I was living with my mum), running continued to be a shared activity we did a few times a week.

Sometimes we’d chat the whole way. Sometimes we’d run in comfortable silence. Occasionally, he would speed up and I’d get annoyed when he left me behind (how can someone who’s never run before go so fast?).

But there was something grounding about it. No phones. No notifications. Just the steady rhythm of footsteps and breathing.

When you run next to someone long enough, you start syncing up. Your pace adjusts. Every step falls into a rhythm. Marriage feels a bit like that too.

Running became the one activity each week where we were fully present with each other. IMAGE: CANVA

Then the Circuit Breaker happened

Our world suddenly became a whole lot smaller. No more random dates or weekend café hopping.

I knew a few couples who didn’t make it through the pandemic.

Work stress for me was sky-high. The daily updates on case numbers gave me anxiety. But somehow, going out for runs (and playing Animal Crossing) became our escape from reality.

Exercising was one of the few reasons we were allowed out of the house, so we clung to it. Our runs became our dates.

Sometimes I still think about those days. For that one hour, we weren’t trapped indoors. We weren’t doom-scrolling. We were just moving forward, literally.

We even tried different routes or experimented with other exercises occasionally, just to switch things up.

The conversations that only happen on long runs

I believe there’s something about running that loosens people up. Maybe it’s the endorphins. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re both out of breath and slightly more emotionally open.

Some of our most honest conversations happened mid-run.

We talked about fears - the uncertainty of our careers, our relationship, money, and our future together.

We discussed frustrations. The small annoyances that might have turned into arguments if left bottled up. Running gave us space to be honest before things escalated.

When you’re running side by side, it feels easier to say hard things. Machiam therapy without the couch.

Learning each other’s pace (literally and figuratively)

When we first started running, we had very different natural paces. He runs like he’s got somewhere important to be. I’m conserving energy so I can actually make it to the end without going out of breath.

In the beginning, he would either slow down too much, or I would push myself too hard. Eventually, we learned how to adjust without resentment.

It felt just like our relationship. One person may want change, while the other prefers stability. We truly learned how to compromise without compromising our values.

The goal isn’t to outrun each other, but to finish together.

Years later, we’re still running

It’s hard to believe it’s been almost six years since the Circuit Breaker ended.

When the pandemic passed, life resumed. Our social calendars filled up again. We went on overseas trips. We tied the knot.

But some things stayed the same. We still put on our running shoes every week. It doesn’t require booking slots or fancy equipment.

If I had to sum it up, I’d say this: running taught us how to stay beside each other.

It taught us patience: endurance takes time.
It taught us communication: you need to say when you’re struggling.
It taught us humility: some days you’re slower, and that’s okay.

Most importantly, it reminded us that we’re on the same team.

When one of us feels like giving up, the other nudges gently and asks, “Are you okay?”

We started running because we wanted to stay healthy. But somewhere along the way, we became better teammates. Better listeners. Kinder to each other.

And all it took was a pair of running shoes.

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