The Hardest Part Of Getting Healthy? Not Offending My Parents During Family Dinners

For the last 29 years of my life, my parents have been feeding me like the growing boy that I was: scooping extra rice onto my plate at dinnertime, bringing home bak chor mee for breakfast on weekend mornings, and yelling at me to finish my food even if I was full. But that was their way of showing love – through food. Lots and lots of it. Of course, we would never know which came first, whether it was the surplus of food that gave me a big appetite or the appetite that forced my parents to feed me more.

It wasn’t until the year I was meant to turn 30 and get married that I decided to get my act together and drop some weight. By this point, I had ballooned to 106kg at the start of 2025, to no one's fault but my own. The roles had reversed – I was now the one scooping extra rice onto my own plate, the one ordering bak chor mee for breakfast on weekends, and yelling at myself to finish my food. Something had to be done, and so, in 2025, my wife and I decided to commit to our goal of losing weight, looking better, and, more importantly, getting healthier for our wedding and beyond.

And that started with fixing our diet.

What a dinner at home looked like before I started dieting. | IMAGES: JOVAN LEE

To Asian parents, saying no to food comes across as rejection 

It was difficult at the start, explaining to my parents why I wouldn’t be coming home for dinner or why I wouldn’t be eating the bak chor mee breakfasts anymore. You see, in many Asian households, eating less is often seen as rejection, especially because the provision of food is a way of showing love.

To my parents, not eating the often carb-heavy meals at home = rejecting their love and not wanting to spend time with them. But that was far from the truth. I counted my calories and tracked all my meals, ensuring that I was always in a negative 800 to 1000-calorie deficit per day while also eating enough protein to build muscle. That meant that, as a family that doesn’t cook, my go-to meals were often grilled chicken chops with salad on the side, and the skin cut off.

It took some time and a whole lot of convincing to translate my health goals into a language of respect and reassurance for my parents. Yes, losing weight boils down to being in a calorie deficit and working out, but in Singapore, it’s more than just the physical aspect – it’s about translation too.

Getting my daily dose of fruits, high-protein yoghurt, and protein smoothies. | IMAGES: JOVAN LEE

"Protein powder? What's that?"

Apart from getting our own food instead of family dinners, there were a couple more aspects of the weight loss programme that particularly ‘bothered’ my parents. One of them was the introduction of supplements into my diet, primarily protein powder, protein bars, and creatine. In order to hit my daily protein goals, I would make a protein shake every morning and a fruit smoothie with protein powder at night after gym sessions. So yes, I was consuming quite a bit of protein, but not more than a guy weighing 106kg at the time should. But to my parents, these supplements were ‘bad for me’, and I sometimes wonder if they think that protein powder is the same as steroids.

Of course, I could see where they were coming from. They were only erring on the side of caution and wanted the best for their son, recommending I go for natural sources of protein – but there’s only so many chicken breasts and egg whites a man can eat before breaking down into tears. I’ve had these debates with my parents on multiple occasions, especially at the start of the diet, but they were tough cookies, and we agreed to disagree.

At the end of the day, it was my part, as the ‘child’, to try and understand that my parents’ concern was not sabotage but their way of protecting me, the only way they know how. Information on protein, fitness, and health in general may have been scarce when they were younger, and natural sources of food are the way to go, but everyone has different fitness goals and needs, and that calls for different means as well.

IMAGES: JOVAN LEE

Learning to hold my ground without burning bridges

Throughout the yearlong journey, the most important thing was staying consistent and committing to the plan that I set out for myself at the start of the year. Standing my ground on the diet, supplements, and strength training sessions at the gym 4 times a week was challenging, but I made sure not to stray from the path.

The usual remarks from my parents whenever I bust out my tub of protein powder gradually decreased throughout the year, as whenever conflict arose, I took a less argumentative stance and tried to rationalise and explain. It was less ‘dieting’ and more ‘taking care of myself’, less ‘you don’t know one lah’ and more ‘here’s what studies have shown’. To be fair, I never won them over, and I probably have never won any of our debates, but the reality was that I didn’t need approval; I just wanted peace.

And how peace came about was when my parents and I started seeing results.

Getting fit meant improving my relationship with food, fitness, and most importantly, my parents. | IMAGES: JOVAN LEE

Losing weight changed my life –and my relationship with my family

The Chinese New Year conversations at family reunions have changed drastically from last year to this year. They went from ‘eh, you gain weight again ah?’ to ‘wah, you slim down a lot!’. The choice of snacks has also switched up – from camping near the pineapple tarts to hogging the bak kwa container (at least bak kwa has some protein).

My entire family could see the results. Not just the weight loss, but that I was healthier, more energetic, and happier as well. And that, at the end of the day, is what any parent would want for their child, and that was what helped my parents understand the journey that I was on.

I had lost a total of 16kg in 10 months, just in time for the wedding, weighing in at a crispy 90kg for my big day. My wife had also lost 11kg in the same amount of time. The journey has completely changed our relationship with food and has improved our lifestyle for the better as well. We no longer view food as an indulgence, but as nourishment and fuel instead. Understanding what we put into our bodies has become more important to us than ever, and when the odd cheat meal rolls around – man, do we cherish it.

We walk more, cycle more, and move more all around. It’s brought us closer as well, pushing each other to be healthier and fitter. We’ve made friends at the gym, pulled our buddies to join us in our workouts, and are committed to this lifestyle, even 5 months out from our wedding.

As for my parents, we’ve learnt to respect each other’s methods, and there’s been a greater understanding of what health and fitness mean for each other. I’ve learnt to be firm and not be swayed by external pressures, sticking to my guns and believing in the process. My parents have even started working out, albeit just at home on a yoga mat, but hey, baby steps.

Doing my best Yoshio Itoi impression while training for Hyrox. | IMAGE: JOVAN LEE

Making peace with my parents

My parents may never fully understand macros or calorie deficits, and that’s okay. They’ve fed me when I needed it, and I will always be grateful for that, but now, I’m learning to feed myself. Growing up doesn’t mean rejecting how you were loved — it means learning how to love yourself without apologising for it.

I’ve managed to find the peace that I was searching for with my parents, and as I pace myself in my fitness journey, I hope to get their full support one day. Perhaps I’ll have their support in person at HYROX Singapore this April, something that I’ve been training for since the start of 2026, and my next big goal after losing weight. But that’s for a different story.

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