Is Travelling With Bae A Battlefield? It Was For Me, But Now It’s Our Love Language

They say travelling with your partner is the ultimate compatibility test. You’re thrown into unfamiliar territory, running on caffeine, jet lag, and the occasional dodgy toilet. If you can survive this trial by fire, you can survive anything together as a couple.

And the thing is, my husband and I couldn’t have more different travel styles. I’m a corporate girlie with a soft spot for nature, and my idea of fun is going on an idyllic 10km hike through mountains and lakes. Meanwhile, my husband feels perfectly at home in a concrete jungle and would balk at the idea of spending more than two days in the countryside (yes, this has happened before).

Here’s a little peek into how my husband and I (aka Ms Spreadsheet + Mr Brings Vibes Only) travel the world without losing it (most of the time). Think of this as our version of couples therapy, but with fewer tissues and more laughs.

Same trip, different energy

Me: I feel like the way we travel already says a lot about us. Like how I plan the itinerary down to the minute…

Him: …and I show up with my Nintendo Switch, two power banks, and absolutely no idea what country we’re landing in.

Me: Okay, that’s over-dramatic. You usually know what country – you just don’t know which airport. LOL.

Him: Sometimes people ask me and I’m clueless, haha. But yeah, it’s true. You’re the master planner. You schedule everything in detail for all our trips. Thank you again for planning every single detail down to the hour – New Zealand was a great sightseeing trip and I loved the views, especially behind the wheel.

Me: Well, someone gets cranky if he doesn’t manage to pee after driving 80km! But seriously, I think it’s just my way of making sure we make the most of a trip. I like knowing where we’re going, how long it’ll take, where to eat, how difficult the planned hikes will be. It gives me peace of mind.

Him: And I respect that. I think it’s sweet how much effort you put into it. I used to be all about the big picture when it comes to going on holiday, e.g. Day 1 is Tokyo, Day 2 is Yokohama. But thanks to your help, I now feel very fulfilled when I am flying home. No more FOMO or major ragrets from forgetting a bucket list activity because of the lack of planning.

You quickly learn how each person handles stress. | IMAGE: CANVA

What travel really reveals about a relationship

Me: I think travel brings out all your quirks. Like, we know each other well when we’re chilling out at home. But when you're navigating unfamiliar roads, dealing with long flights, language barriers, or hangry episodes, every little personality trait gets dialled up.

Him: Yeah, and you quickly learn how your partner handles stress. Like when we missed the chance to eat at Fairlie Bakehouse, I was all “eh, aiyah we just wake up tomorrow morning earlier when it opens lah” especially after I saw how disappointed you looked.

Me: Hey, that was a character-building moment! But it did teach me that spiralling doesn’t help, and you taught me to take a breather and focus on solutions. I’m thankful to have a voice of calm when things turn stressful. But hey, you would also be unhappy if I didn’t schedule some things for you, ok 😉.

Him: Ok lah I admit that’s true. I’ve also learnt not to brush things off too quickly just to avoid conflict, and to speak out if I’m not content with how things are going. I know how you take things at face value, so it wouldn’t be fair to expect you to know I’m upset without saying anything.

Me: Yup, don’t make me ask you three times if you’re really okay with the itinerary hor?

The mother-in-law has entered the chat

Me: That reminds me. Can we address the elephant in the room – about how this was the first time you travelled with my mum?

Him: Oh yes. That was quite… an experience.

Me: Honestly, I think you handled it pretty well! She definitely has her own idiosyncrasies – wakes up super early, pack-everything-you-might-need type, and always nagging us to drink more water.

Him: I think there were moments where I felt like I was being graded, you know? I was half expecting a full performance evaluation from your mum at the end of our trip.

Me: Ngl, you definitely were. LOL. Not like I didn’t do any of the relationship heavy lifting though – I think I spent half the trip trying to keep the peace, translating between “Mum-speak” and “Husband-speak”. Whew.

Him: Like that time she insisted I wear a jacket during the Hooker Valley Track hike even though I was perspiring like mad. Or when she complained about having too few or too many activities.

Me: Yeah, that’s basically my childhood summed up. Hey, at least I was the one who handled her most of the time! In the end though, she was extremely grateful that we took her along to New Zealand. She said it was better than any Mother’s Day present she’s ever had. It wasn’t always easy, but I’m glad you went along with it.

Him: Since I survived the mother-in-law test, do I get a badge of honour?

Paying attention to the little things can help avoid friction. | IMAGE: CANVA

Compromise and communication

Me: I think this is our fifth long holiday together in our relationship. I’ve learnt to really communicate with you. Now that I know you’re more of a “Eh can we stop by this shop" traveller, I’ll leave half a day unscheduled. And since you know I prefer some structure, you usually let me pick the lunch and dinner spot in advance.

Him: Oh, and I’ve learnt to check the itinerary the night before so I don’t get surprised by a 7am hike, and can be mentally prepared for it.

Me: 😂 Thanks for that. It's the little things that help us avoid any potential friction. We’ve also learnt the things that matter to one another during a trip – like, I’m super anal about getting the perfect shot, and you’ll be happily tag along on the activities I like as long as you get your McDonald’s meal.

Him: What can I say? I’m easy to please 😬. At the end of the day, we can’t fully relate to what gives the other person that dopamine rush, but we understand how important it is – and that’s what matters right? Seeing the person you love basking in the moment?

Me: I totally agree, plus it’s quite fun to see the childlike glee in you when you check out any McDonald’s menu in a foreign country.

Not every day is gonna be great

Him: I think a big one for us was realising that not every day of our trip is going to be perfect.

Me: OMG yes. Sometimes you’re just tired, or sick of each other, or both. And that’s fine.

Him: There were days I just wanted to keep on driving to our next destination and rest in the car while you took photos. I felt bad because we were "on holiday" and we are supposed to be making memories.

Me: But resting is part of the experience too. It’s not all Instagram moments. Sometimes it's eating the potato chips and boysenberry ice cream we bought from the supermarket and watching some bad reality TV. Honestly… I love those unassuming days too.

Final thoughts

Me: I used to think being “good at travel” meant being super prepared. But now I think it’s more about adaptability.

Him: Yeah. Travel forces you out of your comfort zone. The environment changes, plans change, and so do our moods. If you’re not willing to be flexible, it’s gonna get rough. It applies to relationships too. The more we travel, the better we get at reading each other’s signals and body language, managing expectations, and adapting as a duo.

Me: Honestly, I think travelling together extensively has made us stronger. You learn to laugh through the mess, find joy in the unexpected, and grow as a couple. 10/10 would travel with you again.

Him: Even if I still don’t read the itinerary?

Me: As long as you still carry all our bags and figure out the directions.

For the latest updates on Wonderwall.sg, be sure to follow us on TikTok, Telegram, Instagram, and Facebook. If you have a story idea for us, email us at [email protected].