Dear Teachers, I Owe You An Apology: Lessons I Learnt As A Parent

We often hear that learning starts at home, parents are the child’s first teachers, and that children learn what they see at home. But that doesn’t mean that all of us actually think of teachers as invaluable support. Sometimes it's easy to see them as a contractor!

As Minister for Education Chan Chun Sing said in an interview in February, teachers partner with parents. They don't cater to their every whim, or for that matter, to the children's whims. “It is not a service-client mindset, where I expect this and you deliver it to me,” he said, stressing that children spend more time with their families than at school. “As parents, we are all the first teachers of our children.” Very true indeed. 

Here are some of the lessons that I learnt along the way about my children’s teachers:

There are two sides to every story

As most loving and caring parents do, my first instinct was also to always believe my child and automatically assume that the teacher was in the wrong. This wasn't actually always the case.

To be fair, kids will be kids, and it’s only natural that they will act up from time to time. They might sugarcoat their side of the story, or embellish important details when they are in the wrong, and that’s okay. But instead of listening to just one side of the story, it's always a good idea to check directly with the teacher to find out exactly what happened in the case of any issues.

Your teacher is your ally, not someone to be managed

Teachers want your child to succeed just as much as you do, and they are your biggest support network when your child is at school. Make no mistakes - teaching is a calling (there’s really no teacher in it for the money), so respect them enough to know that they’re on your side, looking out for your children, especially outside of home. 

Most teachers have their students’ best interests in mind and will go out of their way to make sure they are helping them in any way they can. You know your child best, so communicate and share your child’s likes / dislikes and strengths / weaknesses with their teacher. The more the teacher knows about your child, the better able they are to help them. Open and honest communication between families and teachers builds bonds that help students do their absolute best.

Have fair expectations 

A teacher’s job isn’t easy or cute, even when they teach the cutest kids at preschool or nursery level. Just because my child was the centre of my universe, it didn’t mean that the teacher would be able to give him just as much time and attention at school as I would have at home. Most classes have at least 20-25 children, and the teacher has to treat them all equally, while remembering each child’s specific needs and requirements. 

Don’t pressure the teacher to bend the rules or make exceptions for your child just because you think your child isn’t in the spotlight. As Mr. Chan said, "If we are unreasonable in our demands for a teacher, actually, we are unfair to the rest of the students and unfair to the rest of the parents because you are depriving the teacher from spending quality time with the rest of the students who also have their needs." A great teacher makes each child feel special without taking away time from any other child.

IMAGE: 123RF

Education starts at home

Teachers aren't responsible for teaching your children everything, especially good habits and manners. They can definitely help reinforce them at school, but learning these things start at home. Creating healthy routines and healthy habits through practice help foster a sense of security, confidence and emotional stability by them knowing what to expect next. When children start learning this at home, teachers are better able to help your child develop positive social skills and get a sense of satisfaction in being able to do things for themselves. Working together with your teacher will only help your child. Don’t blame the teacher for everything that goes wrong or what your child isn’t able to do yet. We’re the parents! Our kids are our responsibility!

Teachers wear a lot of hats

Let’s not forget that a teacher is never just a teacher. Not only do they take on the heavy task of educating our children, but they are also usually a friend and a safe adult outside of home. Listen to what the teacher tells you about your child - especially the stuff you don’t want to hear - because chances are that she’s actually spending more time with your child all day than you are.

Your child being bored at school doesn’t mean the teacher is unqualified

We know that letting kids make mistakes, experiencing failure and boredom are crucial life lessons. That doesn't mean the teacher is bad or unqualified; it's often quite the opposite! If your child’s teacher lets them fail at something, or tries to let them solve a problem themselves (instead of stepping in at the first sign of trouble and bailing them out of the situation), we should be grateful. 

Play time is just as important as time in the classroom

There was a time when I thought that any teacher who resorted to ‘teaching through play’ either wasn’t very serious about teaching, or wasn't good at her job. Nothing could be further from the truth. Many parents just don’t realise how much (and how much faster) kids learn through play. Not only is it a welcome break from all the screen time, but it also helps with your child’s social and communication skills.

IMAGE: 123RF

You have your job, let them do theirs

I can’t imagine accepting someone (who has nothing to do with my job) telling me how to do my job. And yet, we all know some helicopter parents who have no problem reminding the teacher and school management about how things should be run and done. If you have such little trust and confidence in the teacher, I would seriously recommend changing schools, rather than constantly hovering over and second guessing them all the time. 

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