Survival Guide: Dating An Extrovert When You’re An Introvert

The girl you’re dating is everything you could ever ask for. There’s just one small problem: she’s an extrovert and you’re not.

Of course, extrovert personalities exist in a spectrum, but broadly they can be identified by how much they enjoy social settings or simply going out and doing something. Socialising actually uplifts their mood and could give them a bit of a high.

Introverts, meanwhile, prefer to retreat within themselves whenever possible. This is not to say that they aren’t sociable; many introverts genuinely enjoy hanging out with their friends. However, they usually have a very finite amount of energy for socialising and would require some quality alone time to recharge after each bout.

So how do you make a relationship between such contrasting personalities work? Here are some tips.

1. Be upfront and honest about what makes you most at ease

If you recognise that you’re an introvert, you could also probably identify certain habits or activities that you don’t just simply enjoy, but have become necessary parts of your self-care routine, without which your emotional wellbeing may begin deteriorating.

This could include a daily wind-down routine at home reading or surfing the Internet. Otherwise, it might mean setting aside a day every week to just relax alone at home to recharge and get ready for the next work week.

Whatever it is, be upfront and honest with your partner about these ‘requirements’, and don’t be afraid that it may sound silly. Having a better idea of what makes you tick will strengthen your relationship, as its demands don’t encroach upon your time of recuperation.

2. Compromise, compromise, compromise

Like most other conflicts in relationships, compromise is always at the heart of resolving a personality difference.

Just as your partner should give you the space and alone time you need, you also need to meet her halfway. This means that you can’t just decline accompanying her to any and every social event because you just don’t feel like going. Having you with her at these events is probably very important for her to feel like you’re a solid part of her life.

3. Don’t try to be something that you’re not

At the same time, don’t overcompensate for your introvertedness by trying to be an extrovert just like your partner.

Trying to fit a mold that you simply aren’t shaped to fit is not only exhausting for you, but it might even be stressful for your partner, the very person you’re trying to impress.

Making compromises to hang out with your partner in social settings that she enjoys is not equivalent to trying to be a full-out extrovert like she is. Instead, just relax, own up to your introvertedness, and work things out with her from there.

4. Try to have fun either way

Whether she’s joining you in a spot of quiet alone time reading in a café, or you’re with her at a huge chalet event with all of her friends, try your best to have fun in both situations.

The important point about compromise is that it should never make either one of you feel like you’re being forced to be there against your will, and you’d rather be somewhere else. Needless to say, the resentment will show on your face and then, soon, neither of you will be having fun.

5. Strive to reach a sweet spot of mutual respect

It may take months or even a year or two before you and your partner are able to reach the sweet spot, but it’s definitely worth it.

The sweet spot of mutual respect is when both of you have settled into a comfortable couple routine where your lifestyles have been firmly moulded around each other. Without having to say anything, your partner knows when to leave you alone for your quiet ‘me’ time, and you know how often or to which events you should be automatically volunteering yourself to accompany her. The best sign is when both of you are absolutely happy with this arrangement, and wouldn’t have it any other way.

If your relationship is able to hit this sweet spot and sustain it over an extended period of time, you know that your personality differences are now a problem of the past and you’ve both pulled through with a stronger relationship.

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